Well here we are in January again! Which for many of us brings the promise of new beginnings and a renewed sense of commitment or purpose. For people with ADHD It also brings a mixed bag of emotions & memories of many past tried & failed New Years resolutions.
This year more than ever it seems New Years Resolutions are getting a bit of a bad rap. I’ve seen a lots of posts on Social media & in the news this about the failure of New Years resolutions.. The upshot of many of the articles seems to be that Resolutions are bad ( because they fail) so instead we should try setting an Intention perhaps, or maybe we ought to just try looking at the past year and then decide what it is we’d like to stop doing instead.
…..Now is it just me? Or does that all sound like hokum to you? Or at best maybe be bit of self-trickery?
Because I have to say my ‘Coachey senses’ go on high alert when I read that stuff. I believe that the language of ‘Setting an Intention’ isn’t nearly as powerful as the full on commitment of a Resolution. And I feel that we’re in danger of trying to find an easier-softer way to sort of have a Resolution? But with a bit of a ‘Get out clause’
Resolution (coming from the root word Resolute) Meaning: A determined effort to work towards something. Whereas the meaning of Intention is more of an aim & as such it’s a bit more vague.
For people with ADHD that kind of Wishy-Washy language can actually encourage failure..
If there’s anything I’ve learned from working with people who have ADHD, they need their goals/resolutions to be very specific and they also need accountability, preferably with a time line and a plan to ensure they give themselves the best chance at succeeding. In other words if there’s a loop hole in the plan, we will not only find it, we will exploit it, even if it’s spells our own demise..
Maybe I am being pedantic or even controversial but the feeling that the word Intention stirs up for me is just too vague & easily dismissed, as such it’s a giant loop hole in the plan!
Dr. Russell Barkley, a well known ADHD expert, has been quoted as saying “….Attention Deficit Disorder could just as easily be renamed Intention Deficit Disorder”..That’s because we’re naturally low in Motivation & have poor Planning & Focus skills. Those innate traits make How we approach our Goals/Resolutions just as critically important as What Goals we set.
When I’m Coaching & my clients are setting a goal to change something, it’s my job to listen for is any vague or Wishy-Washy language that shows up around those Goals & then I reflect that back to them.. In fact that’s where a lot of the magic happens! That’s where we get to uncover the obstacles that may have been unconsciously working against them for years…..It may be resistance, fear or old negative beliefs. But by setting that Full on Commitment and then watching & listening for what happens next we finally get to Identify & so Remove those obstacles which clears the way for unimpeded success..
So my advice for you is please don’t be seduced by the “Lets just set an nice loving Intention crowd”.. It may work for some, but not for those with ADHD.. So please, please, go all in…Don’t be afraid of the ‘R’ word.. Go ahead and set your Resolutions! Get yourself right in the Middle of that bed! And then see what happens..