{"id":2319,"date":"2022-03-25T10:24:41","date_gmt":"2022-03-25T15:24:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dianeoreilly.com\/?p=2319"},"modified":"2022-03-25T10:24:43","modified_gmt":"2022-03-25T15:24:43","slug":"an-uncommon-solution-for-perfectionism","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.dianeoreilly.com\/an-uncommon-solution-for-perfectionism\/","title":{"rendered":"An Uncommon Solution for Perfectionism"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>In my\u00a0<strong><a href=\"https:\/\/dianeoreilly.com\/is-perfectionism-an-addiction\/\">first blog on Perfectionism &amp; ADHD<\/a>,<\/strong>\u00a0I shared how this corrosive mindset acts on our brains, psyches and emotions much like an addiction.\u00a0<strong>The Allure, the Hit, the Denial, the Escape, the Cost and the Failure to Thrive<\/strong>\u00a0that the pursuit of perfectionism generates, reads almost word for word like the classic addict story! <\/p><p><br>In the\u00a0<strong><a href=\"https:\/\/dianeoreilly.com\/the-prison-of-perfectionism\/\">Second Blog<\/a>\u00a0<\/strong>I described the invisible Prison of Perfectionism we get trapped in.\u00a0 How this thinking (which is often a coping mechanism to cover up feelings of insecurity, shame and\/or low self esteem)\u00a0 ends up accentuating these very feelings\u00a0 and beliefs, then keeps us stuck by having to repeat it to feel just okay. ( exactly like addiction)<\/p><p><br><strong>In the<a href=\"https:\/\/dianeoreilly.com\/the-impressionable-adhd-brain\/\"> Third Blog<\/a>,\u00a0<\/strong>I shared\u00a0how the\u00a0neurology of our ADHD brains provides a One-Two Punch that keeps us stuck. Firstly because the nature of our brain\u2019s wiring makes us more susceptible to use perfectionism as a coping tool and secondly how this neurology makes it tougher for us to break these negative thought habits.<\/p><p><br>If I had to distill the whole Essence, Drive and the Act of Perfectionism down into a single sentence, I\u2019d say\u2026<\/p><p><br><em>\u2018<\/em><strong><em>The Pursuit of Perfectionism is a fruitless chase for an imagined, utopian destination, that we believe will bring peace of mind, satisfaction and relief, which in fact leads to&nbsp;increased dissatisfaction, anxiety and tension.<\/em>&nbsp;<\/strong>Or, in way more elegant terms, this quote says it all &#8211;<br><strong><em>\u2018Perfectionism is the Mountain without a Peak\u2019<\/em><\/strong><\/p><p><br><strong>\u00a0So what can be done?<\/strong><br>There are lots of ways to approach this problem, the therapeutic approach to deal with OCPD and\/ or Perfectionism uses C.B.T. (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) to challenge the thoughts\u00a0 &amp; beliefs that drive it (<a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/learn-about-therapy\/issues\/perfectionism\/overcome\">Click here for an<\/a> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/learn-about-therapy\/issues\/perfectionism\/overcome\">Article on Perfectionism treatment and research links)<\/a>.<\/p><p><br>Other approaches that also work to break the over identification with thoughts, such as Mindfulness Meditation, Positive Affirmations, E.F.T,&nbsp; Hypnosis, Life Coaching&nbsp; and NLP, can all be beneficial too in creating a pause and a choice about which thoughts we allow or pursue.<\/p><p><br>All of these approaches are valuable and effective ways to help challenge the \u2018dis-ease\u2019 of judgmental thinking and the behavioral and emotional fallout that are generated as a result of these habitual negative thoughts.&nbsp;<\/p><p><br>Though when these negative thought habits are successfully dealt with, what treatment are there for the aforementioned deeper drivers of this compulsive mindset? Such as feelings of worthlessness or shame? And what about the compulsive addictive drive to control outcomes?<\/p><p><br>As a recovering addict I was lucky to find a way out of this obsessive thinking trap that not only broke the surface habits and thoughts, but also worked on a much needed, deeper, spiritual level to help heal and restore the causes and conditions.&nbsp;In recovery I learned the hard way that if I was to stay sober&nbsp;<em>and<\/em>&nbsp;achieve the peace of mind and freedom from worry and tension that drinking had somewhat given me. I would need a new solution, one that would nurture in me an ability to trust life to the degree that I would be willing to Let Go. To Let Go of my need to micromanage life which created so much tension and fear that I practically needed the relief of alcohol (sounds familiar doesn\u2019t it?)<\/p><p><br>\u2018<strong>Letting Go\u2019 is the Spiritual Practice of Trusting &amp; Co-Creating your Life in partnership with Life itself.<\/strong><br>This solution continues to give me solace, comfort and a trust in life\u2019s meandering flow (when I let it). It is the spiritual solution that\u2019s on offer to anyone who wants it, by working the 12 steps. <\/p><p><br>If your brand of perfectionism isn\u2019t so addictive, then the CBT, Mindfulness and other solutions could be enough for you. But for those like myself who\u2019s drive and need to control is driven by low self worth combined with a mistrust of the creative intelligence of life itself,&nbsp; then those approaches may not go far enough.&nbsp;Whereas a spiritual solution allows us to quit&nbsp;<em>trying to control everything&nbsp;<\/em>and invites us to become more of a carefree co-pilot or passenger in our lives versus the stressed out and delusional Captain! \ud83d\ude42<\/p><p><br>Just to clarify, when I say Spiritual I do not mean Religious or necessarily even God. I simply mean to access that which is not material, the laws and power that govern life which we cannot see, quantify, explain, control, or generate of our own free will. The creative drive and intelligence of life itself.&nbsp;The power that allows you to read this blog, sleep or digest your food, fight off a cold, breathe and pump blood throughout your body, or that makes a seed to grow, a season change or an idea arise. That is what I mean by Spiritual.<\/p><p><br>I know it may sound a bit unusual&nbsp;to advocate for a \u2018Spiritual Solution\u2019 for what is essentially a Mental health Issue.&nbsp; But we already know that this same solution currently works for millions of \u2018beyond hope addicts\u2019 through the 12 steps of addiction recovery programs such as A.A.&nbsp;&nbsp;People with addictions (like myself)&nbsp;have found that the 12 steps and the groups they attend are not only successful in the cessation of&nbsp; addictive behaviors, but they&nbsp;are also able to achieve&nbsp;a reprieve from the chronic feelings of less than and regain the peace of mind and relief from anxiety, fears and shame that were (in large part) the main drivers of their addictions in the first place.<\/p><p><br>Luckily the 12 steps are not just for addicts!&nbsp;They can and are used and adapted for any problem in which your self will and control have been impotent to change.&nbsp;<\/p><p><br>In his book<a href=\"https:\/\/amzn.to\/3tlHSFJ\">&nbsp;Recovery, the Sacred Art<\/a>, T<em>he 12 steps as a spiritual practice.<\/em>&nbsp;Rabbi Rami Shapiro says;&nbsp;&nbsp;<em>\u2018Spirituality is a practice not a belief, one designed to free you from the delusion that your life can be controlled and the illusion that you are controlling it.\u2019&nbsp;<\/em><\/p><p><br>His gift of a book adapts the&nbsp;12 steps of addiction recovery into a spiritual solution for&nbsp;<em>anyone<\/em>&nbsp;who wants a step- by -step guide to living life without fear, control and obsessive thinking.<\/p><p><br>What are your thoughts on perfectionism?&nbsp;Do you or anyone you love suffer with this debilitating mindset?&nbsp;If so, I\u2019d love to hear from you about what you\u2019ve tried to get relief from it. Comment below!<\/p><p><br>In my next Blog I\u2019ll share some of the&nbsp;<strong>practical tools&nbsp;<\/strong>that I\u2019ve learned from the 12 steps that anyone can begin to use right away to start to Let Go of Control and Surrender to living our lives in harmony with life itself.&nbsp; Tools that if used will bring peace of mind while also healing the low self worth and anxiety that perfectionism only serves to enhance\u2026<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>In my\u00a0first blog on Perfectionism &amp; ADHD,\u00a0I shared how this corrosive mindset acts on our brains, psyches and emotions much like an addiction.\u00a0The Allure, the Hit, the Denial, the Escape, the Cost and the Failure to Thrive\u00a0that the pursuit of perfectionism generates, reads almost word for word like the classic addict story! In the\u00a0Second Blog\u00a0I [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2323,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2319","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v24.5 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>An Uncommon Solution for Perfectionism - Diane O&#039;Reilly Coaching<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.dianeoreilly.com\/an-uncommon-solution-for-perfectionism\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"An Uncommon Solution for Perfectionism - Diane O&#039;Reilly Coaching\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"In my\u00a0first blog on Perfectionism &amp; ADHD,\u00a0I shared how this corrosive mindset acts on our brains, psyches and emotions much like an addiction.\u00a0The Allure, the Hit, the Denial, the Escape, the Cost and the Failure to Thrive\u00a0that the pursuit of perfectionism generates, reads almost word for word like the classic addict story! 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