Since I was diagnosed ADHD a few years ago, my life has changed in lots of positive ways.
Firstly I went back to school to become a coach, opened a coaching practice, began public speaking & workshops on ADHD, all while balancing my addiction recovery, family life, friends, hobbies and everything else. Whew!
Not an easy ask for a recovering, scattered, forgetful and naturally disorganized ADHD-er like me!
One of the foundation blocks to this balancing act has been the Time Management principles I’ve learned and applied over the years..It’s truly been a revelation to me that it’s actually possible to do all this and still have time left over for doing nothing or just reading a book!
While working with clients with similar challenges, I’ve noticed some patterns in the Types or ‘Personalities’ if you like of Time management problems.
For example:
Some people are consistently late (and weirdly almost always by the same amount of time?) whereas others are serial multi-taskers and fill every spare minute of the day, while others spend all day reacting to others needs and never getting to their own, while others are anxious and obsessed with timeliness and hoard time like a treasure.
I call this last personality type The Time Anorexic. It’s the type I personally identify with the most. Arranging or organizing my time was only a part of my problem. The main problem was the much deeper traits and beliefs about time that had kept me stuck for years, in the same way an Anorexic person had unrealistic distortions about their body, I had these about time!
So what does the ‘Time Anorexic Type’ look like?
Well to make it real for you, let me tell you how it shows up in me….Firstly I perceive that things either take way longer or way shorter than they actually do. This perception (which was very real to me) leads either to procrastination or avoidance and sadly many, many, missed opportunities and fun times… I would simply say No! Because it seemed impossible to me, to fit all this stuff into already jam packed schedule..
…I would ration out my time carefully, much like an Anorexic does with calories or food.. Guarding my precious time & moments fearfully… Too scared to spend it in case I ran out, or fearful incase i would spend too much, because then I would be too busy, and this would make me feel overwhelmed and anxious.
I believe that for me a lot of this drivers that drove these distorted beliefs were very true for me at one time.. Back in my early teens and as a young adult I had a history of chronic lateness.. Part of it was my tendency as an ADHD-er to be less self aware & ‘Blind to time’ as ADHD Expert Dr.Russell Barkley puts it. And finally another piece of the puzzle that kept this going for so long is how my ADHD brain tends to get stuck in fear & negative thoughts ( Rumination) because of these imprinted beliefs and my almost compulsive, habitual reactions to them.. there really was no opportunity for me to pause and see the truth..To realise that these distortions were just that! That I was no longer that teenager, that I do now have time and skills and tools to handle this! Until I began Coaching that is..
The Impact.
This all sounds like a bit of a First World problem, I know! But on the serious side I know from personal experience just how limiting & debilitating it can be, and I’ve watched many others too, who limit their chances at happiness, success or even just fun & frivolity with this contracting approach to time that keeps them small.
How to fix it
My recovery from this limited approach was two fold, Firstly the external practical elements that I learned through the books & video’s of my favourite Time Management Guru; Julie Morgenstern. Her practical systems helped me get loose from the grip of some of these limiting habits.
Secondly, I needed to retrain the internal aspects, or my Automatic Negative Thoughts by using Positive Affirmations. This is a work in progress but it’s so much better than it was.To help cement these affirmations I also have 2 visual reminders in my office
- An Hour Glass which reminds me that I do have control to ‘turn it over’ & control my time
- A poster that says: Time is on your side.
I sometimes still approach making a commitment, appointment with those old anorexic tapes running through my head, I’m not sure that will ever go away. But at least now I have evidence they aren’t true and I am willing to challenge it.
As I coach & host workshops & talk about this I’ve met many many people who have the same distortions as myself, so I know I’m not alone. I’ve come up with a list of questions that may help you identify if you too are Time Anorexic.
Self assessment Questions for Time Anorexia.
- You perceive tasks as being longer or shorter than they actually are
2.You become Overwhelmed, anxious, scattered & forgetful when you have a lot of tasks, appointments or errands
- You avoid making too many appointments, errands etc to alleviate your projected possible anxiety
4.You avoid pleasurable, exciting or challenging opportunities because you think it will take too much of your time
5.When you have too many things to do, you drop the pleasurable or self care stuff and just focus on your duties & obligations
6.You procrastinate or avoid making appointments/setting dates/committing to something
7.You get stuck in a cycle of taking on new tasks only to withdraw completely when it’s not sustainable
How did you do? Did you find you related to many, or any of them? This questionnaire is not meant to be diagnostic in anyway.. Really, it’s purpose is just to bring you some self awareness of your patterns. But if you do relate, it may be that like me you tend to be Time Anorexic.
The good news is the awareness alone is enough to begin to challenge & so change it..
If you want to go further & free yourself of this restrictive relationship to time….I recommend Julie’s books but that alone may not be enough. Because you’ll also need to challenge your fears, beliefs & perceptions around time…. That may take some Coaching.
I would love to hear your experiences with your relationships to time.. What is your Time story? Everyone has at least one! Please Share yours with us..