One of the Six Aspects of a Whole ADHD Life is Connection.
People with ADHD (just like every other human being), are wired for Connection.
Meaningful, safe, nurturing, supportive, joyful, playful, stimulating and comforting Connection.
To ourselves (first and foremost), then to others. Family, friends, significant others, community, pets, nature, spirit, God, the universe and everything!
Connection is our nature, it’s in our DNA, it’s who we are.
ADHD or not, we’re all so much better for Connection.
The research proves what we’ve always known that quality Connection makes us happier, healthier, more resilient, less anxious, more caring, empathic, compassionate, balanced, content, fulfilled, responsible and productive.
Though we’ve all known about the huge benefits of Connection in a theoretical sense, these past couple of years with COVID-19, lock downs and disconnection, this has brought the truth home to all of us in the most Vivid and Visceral way.
My role as a Coach is to help shine a light on the Aspects of your life that are in need, depleted, imbalanced or downright dysfunctional.
Bringing those Aspects of your life back into balance create a solid foundation for your future growth.
Connection is one of those Aspects of an ADHD life that can too easily become source of depletion, pain, strife and difficulty.
Connection requires us to be attentive, attuned, responsive, self aware, self regulating, patient, compassionate and nurturing.
It also takes time, planning, prioritizing and organization. Sigh… yes, you’ve guessed where this is heading!
In short, good quality Connection needs and thrives on some of the very traits we are most challenged by.
Here’s a list some of the ADHD Traits that can negatively impact Connection:
Working memory
Attention
Focus
Poor impulse control
Lack of self awareness
Sensitivity
Emotional lability
Poor planning and Organizing skills
Overwhelm
Perfectionism
Black and white thinking
Hyperfocus
‘If we aren’t able to bridge the gap between our ADHD Traits and the requirements for Connection, we end up in Conflict and Disconnection.’
The dichotomy of being so deeply wired for Connection while also being ADHD (and so wired to potentially sabotage those connections) is a painful, lonely, confusing and powerless place to be.
In response to the pain of disconnection, conflict and loneliness, we often adopt some creatively messed up ways to try to fill this void.
These can run the spectrum from chemical or process Addictions such as shopping, working, excessive device time to other Shadow Symptoms like compulsive busy-ness, avoidance, codependency, poor boundaries, controlling, blaming, compliance and a myriad of other coping mechanism to numb out the pain of disconnection.
The good news is there are well traversed and reliable bridges between our Traits and the qualities needed for satisfying Connection. They are simple (but not always easy) to implement. They do require a commitment, willingness and openness to try new things, to be vulnerable to change and some pretty well worn outmoded habits. But, they do lead to deeper, more satisfying Connections with yourself and others…
It may seem a bit above my ‘pay grade’ as an ADHD Life Coach to be so concerned with all these Deeper Aspects of your ADHD life.
True, I’m not a therapist, a relationship expert or an addictions counselor. What I do know is that when ADHD Life Coaching is primarily focused on your ADHD traits alone, while leaving whole, vital aspects of your lives unexamined and unchanged, any progress you make will be surface and temporary.
Much like a person who keeps going to a doctor for pain medications for their back pain, then goes home and changes nothing about their posture, their seating or work habits, or their stress or their exercise. The back pain will continue and so will the need to be medicated. Dealing with the deeper issues (which are usually some of the most difficult and painful aspects for us to face).
Though daunting, is infinitely more effective and less painful in the long run, that avoiding or hiding will ever be!
If you haven’t already seen it, you can download my Free Infographic on Communication for ADHD. It gives you Seven Steps for building for more effective Communication to help improve the Connection Aspect of your Real ADHD Life.