Being an ADHD adult myself as well as a recovering addict means that I’m super aware of the damage that can arise from our tendency towards an obsessive, hyper-fixated or rigid mindset.
This addictive side of us is continually judging, comparing and measuring...
As an ADHD life Coach I’ve also seen how this part of us will sabotage the Life Coaching experience.
Let me explain how…
When you enter into a Coaching relationship, your goal is to grow, to change and to make progress. Using the safe container of the Coaching conversation, with your Coach asking you the Coaching questions you need, you’re finally able to put words around feelings, experiences and beliefs that up until now may have been quite unconscious. These conversations uncover aspects of our lives that we may never have explored before now, aspects which, (once we say them out loud) we realize the power they have to limit our growth.
There is a natural human tendency when we sign up for something like Life Coaching (or indeed any transformational program such as weight loss or fitness) to become attached to a specific outcome, this attachment when left unconscious, ironically sabotages our progress. Although its vital to have a goal to head toward and natural to want to measure, compare and see progress, if we become fixated on a specific outcome to the exclusion of all else, we’ll find ourselves continually comparing where we are now to where we want to be, the comparison mindset makes us doubt ourselves, the Coaching and our Coach. Any rigid attachment to the outcome silently sabotages our own curiosity, openness and willingness for self exploration. (all vital ingredients in bringing about lasting change)
Lasting change happens when we have a desired destination in mind, while simultaneously letting go of exactly how or even when we get there. If we can approach any transformational phase this way, we will be much more open to the kind of left turns and explorations that uncover so many unconscious aspects of our minds that have held us back for a lifetime…
This openness and willingness to explore also allows the real you to emerge, with all of your complex needs and desires.
Many adults with ADHD, (like myself) have this fixated tendency to focus in on one outcome (that one we believe will bring us happiness, contentment, meaning and peace or mind etc) but if we do this we unknowingly blind and paralyze ourselves to other ( perhaps better )opportunities or pathways that are right in front of us. When we are in that state, we’re quite unaware that letting go of that outcome, even temporarily, might lead us to an even better destination than the one we envisaged for ourselves.
We’re a bit like a scared child using a flashlight to light our way through a midnight field, not realizing that the beam of that flashlight has blinded us to anything and everything outside of its glare. Were we to be open and willing enough to turn off the flashlight our eyes would adjust to the natural light and show us the broader perspective of what is around us, making it possible to then choose the best way forward.
I’ve noticed that the people who make the most progress and are happiest with the outcomes of Life Coaching are those who are able to set goals and then let go of a fixed timeline or rigid outcome and are willing to explore.
This is a huge part of why I’ve changed how I structure my own One to One Coaching approach. For years I believed in a more open and flexible approach (which I knew was more financially accessible to my clients) But I’ve come to realize that this open ended approach actually exacerbated the tendency to measure, compare and judge.
In practice this approach created shorter, cost driven sprints, with false finish lines, reshaping the Life Coaching from what is naturally an open and expansive growth partnership into a more myopic, fixated approach that blinded us to opportunity.
My new Coaching approach is now much more aligned with what I believe my clients need to be able to step fully open into the safe space of Coaching without the continual monthly pressure of questioning its value. This new way we can literally set it and forget it, allowing us to turn off the myopic flashlight in our minds and get a glimpse of the unlimited opportunities all around us.
Do you find that when you get fixated on a specific outcome you lose the ability to see other opportunities?
Comment below and let me know what you think are the best conditions for you to generate lasting change?
My New One to One Coaching package is HERE